Here's one for the road, yard ape!
...And then he just comes out of the box and says "kept you waiting, huh!?"
Doesn't seem like a bad entrance to me.
I'unno, to me it sounds plain lame. I mean, a box? In that kind of atmosphere the aesthetic loses a good deal of it's charm. Not much impressive with box shenanigans when there's others that have beaten literal gods. Hell, one of them IS a god*. Call it a bias of mine, but since I'm not the cowardly type, I don't see the big deal in it. Whaddyou think?
I-- YOW!!
....
Ugh... what the hell was that?
I'unno... felt these... sharp things pierce us.
Whatever it was, we'll have to watch out for any strange signs later. I'll just grab my bag and--
...Wario?
WHOEVER YOU ARE, I'LL FIND YOU FOR THIS! FIND YOU, AND POUND YOU TO DUST!
..Hoo boy.
Three... two... one.
Heh. Too easy. Small fry like him never learn. Now, I reckon you'll be coming with me as a prisoner of--
Mr. Spike, I believe capturing this ape needn't be necessary.
I bring news from the his foulness himself that a change of plans is in order. This ape is to be the least of our priorities currently. He possesses zero threat to the Koopa Troop, and is as such, NEGATIVE concern of his.
Are you sayin' that the (albeit barely any) trouble I went through to stomp that burly behemoth is for naught!?
Q-quite the c-contrary. *ahem*... You will still have your reward... And better yet... more opportunities to increase your earnings, AND get the desired revenge you seek.
...
...Well, why ain't'ya say so!? 'sides, 've got better to do that to waste my sweet time on dirty monkies!
Excellent! Then we shall be taking our leave!
...
Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. H--
--What? Can you not see I'm busy?
Yes, because Meditating and Mental Image Training is so important.
Look, if you want, I can create a living construct for your conscious to inhabit. Then you'll be able to do whatever kooky stuff you want. But don't pester me for the sake of your own boredom.
Hmmph. And I thought Proteus talked you out of that stupid pacifism stuff you were doing.
I'm doing what I have to do. I will act when the time callwoahwoahwoahwoahWOAH! You feel that power too, right?
Huh. This is rather unexpected. We should probably check this out.




State your identity and reason for being here. I'm not going to repeat what literally everyone says and whine that I need a break, mainly because I've done nothing for the near 5,000 pages, but I won't lie when I say that your presence here is... disturbing.




....
Okay... we're actually doing this.
C'mon, he's just a stupid muppet. How strong could he be?

Buddy, I can't let you do this. Look. I'mna give you the obligatory warning. Take yourself and your men back to where you came from. No bloodshed will occur if you follow this direction.



...
What happened to the Tournament thing you wanted to do?
I've not the slightest clue.
...Well? Are you going to say anything? Aren't you gonna defend yourself? Or is hearing these words from me, rather than a dirty, rotten thief like Wario finally making you realize how much of a fraud you a-
Stanley. I will admit, I'm-a not the perfect hero the people say I am. I've-a made several mistakes in the past, and it-a is likely I will make plenty more in the future. And, yes, initially I-a left New Donk City to make some new beginnings, and-a be seen as a great person in the public eye...
...But the truth is, things change over time. I have-a met many people along my-a journeys... People who believed in me. Respected me. Saw me as a selfless hero... And-a now, I want nothing more than to try and BE that-a hero people see me to be. I-a don't care about the popularity as much as I-a did anymore... I really do wish well for the Kingdom. For the world, and the people in it.
...And-a furthermore, I accept the fact that what I did to Donkey Kong Sr. in the past was-a wrong. I'm-a not looking for forgiveness for that. I-a never had... I already know that would-a be asking for too much. I-a just want nothing more than to move on from it. And I-a have.
...And it's-a time that you moved on, too. We-a don't have to fight. We can still be-a friends, Stanley.
...Friends... That sounds...
...No. NO! Just cut the crap, fatso! I'm not going to become just another one of your one-off friends that join you for one adventure before being discarded, left to be forgotten! I REFUSE to EVER BE FORGOTTEN AGAIN!
DIE!!!
I'm-a sorry, Stanley. I know you want-a nothing more than to be recognized... But you're doing it the wrong-a way, for an equally wrong reason. You don't-a truly care about saving anything or anyone; You just-a want an innocent ape locked away. ...But even so, you may-a knock me around, and do what you wish... But there is-a one line you NEVER cross with-a me...
...Don't-a mess with my bro.
Urgh.....
WAHOO!!!
Looks like we-a won!
Yep. Let's-a see what's... Going down... In-a...
...Mama-mia... The-a Warp Whistle's missing!
...Rgh... Great... When I tell the master about this-
When you tell the master about what, exactly?
er again.
M-Master Coda! I, uh-
Oh, no, go ahead. Inform me of your failure to beat the Mario Bros., as I have expected... But at LEAST tell me you have IT first.
Y-yeah! I have it... Right here, in fact!
Excellent. This should keep those pesky plumbers out of the subplot happening within the Mushroom Kingdom... Allowing for their doppelgangers to receive the respect they honestly deserve. ...Granted, with the slight possibility of "and then some", but...
I just don't get it... Why can't I be the one to save the Mushroom Kingdom from-
Oh, relax, won't you? You'll have your chance to become the hero you were always meant to be, like I have promised you... But now is not the time. We will achieve our respective purposes in due time.
But for now, patience... After all, we have all the time in the world.
. . .
Well... what are we suppose to do? We just are waiting for something or nothing. Y'know some bad stuff could be happening right now
Regarding the 99.9% chance of you holding something back too... I wanna savor this.
Chances are, I'll be here for eternities doing nothing. I don't want potential fun to go to waste.
That scum-sucking , money-robbing, dishonest, BASTARD!
Wari--
NO! I will not stand for what has been done! Call me fat, quadruple-chinned, lying, insecure-- believe what you wanna believe! But one thing that I am not-- is relenting! I'm not gonna lie down and let someone cheap shot me and make off with my cash!
It was just a bag of coins! This is what Bowser wants! To get you distracted!
Well, we'll compensate for that by giving him twice the beating when the time comes! In the meantime-- consider me distracted!
Wa--
Besides, what are you gonna do!? Use your tennis moves!? Air-swim the bag of coins back!?
I--
Listen up, Waluigi! You don't cheat because you're clever-- you cheat because you're just that insignificant! The last time you were ever a threat was on the dance floor! You're no Seven Star Child, you're no important character, and if all you can do is whine-- you're nothing but dead weight.
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